


Complicating the Chain of Command

by meesherbeans



Series: You Make Me Feel Human [6]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Realization, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meesherbeans/pseuds/meesherbeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before they reach the salarian base on Virmire, Kaidan has a revelation about his feelings for Shepard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Complicating the Chain of Command

"I think this is the final one, Commander."

Vibrant leaves rustled in the breeze as my fingers danced across the panel. Since getting assigned to the Normandy, I had gotten far too much practice slicing security systems; it was second nature at this point.

"Good, then we can figure out what the hell is going on." Garrus's deep, flanging voice sounded frustrated. While things _were_ fishier than normal, he still had a habit of getting annoyed when we were left in the dark.

The corner of my mouth twitched. _Probably picked the wrong Spectre to help, Garrus._ Nothing we'd dealt with so far made any sense at all, much less kept us anywhere except squarely in the dark.

A few moments later, the console beeped and powered down. The metallic groan of doors opening echoed below us; now we could get the Mako through. I turned around and paused at the sight I saw.

Bright red hair swayed in the wind, untamed, as her brow furrowed. Shepard looked…worried. I quietly stepped to stand next to her, no more than an absent nod of acknowledgement thrown my way.

Garrus spoke up a moment later, impatience seemingly drained away at her odd behavior. "You alright, Shepard?"

She slowly shook her head.

Garrus and I exchanged a quick, concerned look before turning our attention back to her. I fought the urge to reach out and touch her arm, to let her know I was there.

The landscape in front of us was a bizarre dichotomy: the shore was calm, peaceful. Beautiful, really. Virmire was a gorgeous planet. Once you looked beyond the first breakers, everything changed. The sky was dark, lightning sparking where the clouds crashed together above churning waters.

Shepard's voice quietly rose as she pulled her arms across her chest. "A world this beautiful shouldn't be this angry. Something's wrong."

We all felt it, too. Something was wrong with Virmire.

It was very unlike her to actually vocalize concern, even as veiled as that statement was. In true fashion, she immediately sighed and stood straight.

"Well, let's go get it some counseling or something." She spun to look at the two of us.

Garrus sounded about as confused as he ever had. "…Counseling?"

Shepard's trademark grin, wide and amused, lit up her face. "Yeah. Anger management. It's angry about something, let's figure out what and squish it. Maybe we'll even get to shoot something along the way."

I couldn't help but laugh as the three of us made our way back to the Mako; her sense of humor hadn't improved at _all_ since calling the thorian an overgrown sunflower. It was yet another thing I loved about her, the quirky way she'd…make everyone…laugh…

_…Another thing I **loved** about her?_

Garrus stopped and turned to look at me. "You okay, Kaidan?"

I blinked out of my haze; apparently I stopped walking when the realization hit me. A quick shake of my head later, I jogged to catch back up. "Yeah, sorry; I'm fine."

Shepard twisted to tilt her head at me, a questioning look in her eyes.

"Just remembered something. No big deal." Damn, I wished I could lie better. She knew something was up. The mission came first, though, and she shrugged before leading us back to the Mako.

We climbed in, settling down into our seats for one final push toward the salarian base. All I could was stare into space, mind racing. Did I really love her? My eyes drifted to watch her as she drove. I could see she still felt the unease, but it was covered in a layer of bravado. Shoulders were back, military face on. Even her "about to shoot things" face was beautiful to me.

I was jolted out of my thoughts as the tank hit a rock or something. The three of us groaned as we were jerked around.

"Dammit, Shepard, I should drive."

"You're just pissed you'll have to fix that later, Garrus."

Our turian friend sighed loudly, and she laughed. Her laugh was cut off by a pretty unattractive belch, followed by even more laughter. Garrus did not seem amused. I tried to hide my smile, diverting attention back to making sure our shields were holding.

I really did love her, in all her irreverent, loud, determined glory. Despite Geth everywhere and the gut feeling that something was _wrong_ here, she made a bad joke and kept on going. At one point, I told her that I preferred adventurous women, but that was only half true. I preferred _her:_ stubborn and passionate. My finger lightly jabbed to recalibrate the shields as I allowed myself a private smile.

Her voice, all business, cut through my reflections. "Alenko, push the shields forward. I see a Colossus up ahead."

It was then that it _truly_ hit me. I'm in love with my commanding officer.

_Shit._


End file.
